Resilience

I took a baseball to the chest last week, heard a crunch and saw a large bump growing. I didn't think much of it at the time. It was too big to be a simple bruise, though. I should have thought more of it. In retrospect it reminds me of when I broke my wrist. Now I am pretty sure that I fractured my sternum on the left. It never went purple. Just drained, went south and turned that sickening overripe banana yellow, leaving a huge knot on my second rib on the left. Yep, I'm guessing a fracture. I see my primary care MD today, and I will have her check it out. I am so fragile these days, thanks to the Lovenox and my BMI and whatever else. The injury never interfered with breathing or movement, so I blew it off. What's another fracture? Can't do anything for it, anyway, except pain meds and rest. Story of my life.

I saw a beautiful film yesterday, Blancanieves, set in 1920's Spain (primarily in Seville), and directed by Pablo Berger. Filmed in black and white, and silent, it tells the story of Snow White through a different lens: imagine her the daughter of a toreador, with an Evil Stepmother as dominatrix. She is rescued by seven traveling, bullfighter dwarves, who help her find her true identity in the ring. There is a very sad, Spanish ending that the Brothers Grimm would approve. Not Disney at all. I adored how the Evil Stepmother was dispatched, in an Picasso-inspired scene. The film tells a dark tale of loss and longing and redemption: there are no rainbows, but some brief moments of happiness to buoy your heart. I was cheering for Blancanieves to fight her way through the pain of parental neglect; her ability to forgive was inspiring. As one line in the movie said, to paraphrase, mourning the past is like chasing the wind. It's what you have now, it's your present actions that are your legacy. What are you made of? How do you prove that your soul is not oily and weak? How do you face down your bull? Will you run and hide? Can you?

This morning I attended a union meeting with fellow L&D RNs to strategize. It always feels good to vent and to plan. We have a strike on the horizon, as well as ideas for petitions and letters and a media event. It was reassuring to hear that most of us are struggling with EPIC, and to laugh that maybe all of the budget for STORK, which would have made sense, went to the ridiculous We Plus You campaign. Apparently it was decided that STORK wasn't needed for most of the hospitals, so it was voted down for us, when our huge unit needs it, requires it. But at recent bargaining, STORK was put on the table for perhaps a year from now. So we work on, together, stronger. We have each other, and we will fight. Word is, they don't like to mess with our unit because they know we will mutiny.

Vive la resistance!