I was reading through it with Callum last night, and found a poem by Thomas Hardy that made my adoptee heart heavy. I feel fortunate to know about my maternal first family now, although my nfather's family remains a mystery. C says she absolutely cannot remember anything about him. I have other adoptee friends who know both their parents, and others who know nothing of their heritage, and sadly probably never will. It really sucks to be amputated from the lineage that civilians take for granted, the same lineage that Hardy extolled. I have heard it called genetic bewilderment, and it is difficult to live with--at least for me.
Heredity
I am the family face;
Flesh perishes, I live on,
Projecting trait and trace
Through time to times anon,
And leaping from place to place
Over oblivion.
The years-heired feature that can
In curve and voice and eye
Despise the human span
Of durance--that is I;
The eternal thing in man,
That heeds no call to die.
Thomas Hardy
6 comments:
'genetic bewilderment' sadly a term we'll be hearing more abut in future.
Love the picture! Your smiles are nearly identical!
Amanda is right...and so is Von. What a great poem.
I can remember being almost disappointed that my girls did not look like me when they were babies. Not because Dan is unattractive,lol, but because I longed to see myself in someone else.
There is something so profound when adoptees finally see themselves in their first families.
My daughter'a first mother would not share her father's name. She shared medical info, ethnicity, and a few little details. Our state is a putative father's registry state, and we all know what that means. We had no one else to ask because my daughter's birth was (and remains) a secret. I was brought to your blog a few months ago from your comments on other blogs. Your posts, like this one, gave me the courage to more aggressively pursue answers from my daughter's (now 2.5)bmom. I quoted your pain to her. While I had asked and asked and asked, your words impressed her. She had no idea. And she told me his name! And age and much more. While I am not naive enough to think my daughter will suffer no pain because she has all of this information, I am relieved to know our daughter does not have half of her identity "amputated"
Trish, thank you for coming here. I am glad that your daughter's fmom has shared her fdad's name with you! It makes me so so happy that I was able to help, even in an oblique way.
(((Trish)))
Wow, that is awesome Trish.
Go Saints!!!
Also, Hardy is so brutal.
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