The solution is to do the work of healing oneself.
I get that.
I hold myself as an infant. I listen to her. I get it. Is that all? I have to find peace in doing this? I have to do it and mean it? I thought I did, had done for years. Accept the coldness of my primary caretakers. Their carelessness. Their part-time love.
Yes, I have to let go of illusions. Say goodbye to maya.
I am restless. I always think there's something better right over the hill. Probably not.
Maybe I do need to learn to meditate and not mind being in my own body.
I am tired of hearing that my fellow adoptees are going mad. I know that I am not alone, and yet it feels so fucking desperate and lonely.
Alan Cumming tonight. He is fucking brilliant.