The More Things Don't Change

I credit Addie Pray for bringing me into the fold of online adoptees, nearly five years ago. She is another Missouri adoptee, and she has been active in the slow slog towards getting Missouri adoptees their OBCs. As she wrote on her blog about four years ago, "let's face it, Missouri needs a kick in the ass." *sigh*

This year there was a proposed bill that seemed like more of the same of what we already have or have had, what with requiring CIs to go between adoptee and first parents, and notarized "permission slips" and paying whatever costs the CIs come up with in finding our first families--too much room for abuse, and no respect for adult adoptee integrity. I know exactly whom my agency would appoint: the same CI who was abusive to me and my mother before. Why would she be more efficient, except that I could give her telephone numbers and addresses? I cannot imagine she'd be more on the ball, or kinder, or charge less. I have read online that she's told more adoptees than me that their first parents want nothing to do with them. I wonder to myself, "Did she actually find them? Or did she phrase introductions so coldly that things were made impossible?" Hard to tell; I am skeptical and not particularly forgiving.

I know that some people in Missouri have just loved their CIs, and more power to them. That's beside the point, however. I consider the CI system itself infantilizing. Arguing about "good" versus "bad" CIs is details, not substance. Why should any of us be required to pay anyone to do this go-between work for us to the tune of $500+ (that some people cannot afford, btw); why should we have to be treated as potential criminals; why should the state be involved to such a degree in people's business in the first place?

How about a bill that allows adoptees to go to the appropriate courthouse, pay a fee, and get her or his OBC? How about that? Oh, yes, then the CIs would be out of work; I am sure they're lobbying in favor of those "closeted" mothers, and guileless little adoptees, their meal tickets.

Getting one's OBC is about getting a document that everyone else has a right to have for themselves: it's a government-issued document about ourselves. It's not about searching, or not only about searching. I found my family without mine; many people do. OBC access is a matter of integrity, a matter of insisting that the state not sanction secrets. That's why clean bills are so important. Why are some individuals simply more fortunate, more deserving than others? I have lived too long on the margins among the outcasts to agree that it's all right to create more fortunate/less fortunate groups and hope for more change down the road. Wait for what's right.

I refused to write letters for in support of HB 252 this year. I find its terms unacceptable and unconscionable. I include the part related to me below, emphasis mine. And especially fuck permission slips, written for adults. We are not children.

453.515. 1. (1) For all adoptions completed on or prior to August 28, 2013, an adopted person who is at least eighteen years of age, born in this state, and provides proof of identification, or the adopted person's lineal descendants if the adopted person is deceased, may request that the department of social services, the child-placing agency which processed the adoption, or the court personnel make reasonable efforts to notify the birth mother and birth father of the request of the adopted adult or the adopted adult's lineal descendants to request their consent to release a copy of the adopted adult's original birth certificate. If the department of social services does not have sufficient information or resources to locate and notify the birth mother and birth father, the department may refer the adopted person or the adopted person's lineal descendants to, or work in conjunction with, the child-placing agency or the court to notify the birth mother and birth father of the request of the adopted adult or the adopted adult's lineal descendants. The department of social services, the child-placing agency, or the court may charge actual costs to the adopted adult or the adopted adult's lineal descendants for the cost of attempting to notify the birth mother and birth father. All communications under this section are confidential. For purposes of this subsection, "notify" means personal and confidential contact with the birth mother and birth father of the adopted adult, which initial contact shall be made by an employee of the department of social services, the child-placing agency which processed the adoption, court personnel, or some other licensed child-placing agency designated by the department of social services, the child-placing agency, or the court. Nothing in this section shall be construed to permit the disclosure of communications privileged under section 491.060.

            (2) If the birth mother and birth father consent to the release of the original birth certificate, the department of social services, the child-placing agency, or the court personnel shall obtain a copy of a notarized form developed by the state registrar provided by the court and signed by the birth mother and birth father, if known, giving consent to release the original birth certificate and provide it to the adopted person or the adopted person's lineal descendants. The adopted person or the adopted person’s lineal descendants may obtain a copy of the adopted person's original birth certificate in accordance with subsection 5 of section 453.510 upon presenting the notarized consent form to the state registrar.

            (3) If the birth mother or birth father does not consent to the release of a copy of the original birth certificate or cannot be located, such copy shall not be released. The adopted person or the adopted person's lineal descendants if the adopted person is deceased may request that the department of social services, the child-placing agency, or the court personnel contact the birth mother and birth father again not less than three years after the date of his or her original request and not less than three years from the date of any future requests.

            2. Upon the birth mother's and birth father's death, the adopted person or the adopted person's lineal descendants if the adopted person is deceased may obtain a copy of the original birth certificate from the state registrar.

            3. Any time a copy of an original birth certificate is obtained under this section, the state registrar shall issue an uncertified copy of the unaltered, original birth certificate to the adopted person or the adopted person's lineal descendants if the adopted person is deceased. The copy of the birth certificate shall have the following statement printed on it: "For informational purposes only - not to be used for establishing identity."